This heart's all over the world.

I'm leaving the country.
It's been many years since I left the country!
This feeling is a bittersweet one. For so many reasons.
It's sweet, because I'm going to see family and old friends and meet (for the first time) friends of some of my family-like friends!
It's exciting!
It's sweet because I'm finally travelling far out. I love to travel. I don't know too many people who don't. But I can't wait to take in a non-desi holiday after so long.
I love India, there's no limit to exploring her. Which is good, because there'll be a lot of that in my future anyway.
But new countries, new food, new people, new beer! and newness in general is so much to look forward to.
It's a little bitter because I'm going to be gone for so long.
I don't like leaving home, especially not when everyone here is free and catching up and chilling out!!
And it's that stage in our lives where most people are done with their graduation and are waiting for life to whisk them away in whatever direction it's supposed to after a couple of months. That's when it kicks in again with it's seriousness.
I'm missing this time.
I'm doing a course that requires me to stick around another two years, but who know's where everyone will be then?
These people are my family. I didn't feel it more than when I said some goodbyes yesterday and today.
They really have taken little pieces of my heart to keep.
My sister and brother-in-law are also off doing things that're taking them to far away places. We had a nice time before we parted ways but it adds to the slight bitterness, not to have them with us on this trip.
All of this probably sounds over dramatic.
But it IS how I feel.
Knowing many people just happens; especially when you've lived in the same place your whole life, but when you're separated from the few who you've actually given your heart to it kinda sucks. (for lack of a more graceful way to put it)
I'm probably over-protected that way.
My family is always around and my really close friends are always... well, really close.
So this has got me thinking about what it's going to be like when I have to leave the only place I've ever really known. The only people I've ever really loved.
The thought could scare me to tears.
But it has to happen sometime. And I want it to. For my sake.
I look at the friends I know who're out there living their lives so independently and I can't help but feel admiration for them!
I have no doubt in my capability of being that way but I'm definitely not there.
Then again, I don't need to be... yet.
It's a challenge I look forward to when it does show it's scary face.
Until then, I'm going to continue to count on the nearness of my people and enjoy it while it lasts.
Enjoy every moment for whatever it brings, like I always have.
No regrets.
And for the pain of separation and the fear of not having that instant support system around all the time...
All that's just got to be there.
How else would I delight in coming home again or actually making it on my own!


I'll say this though,
for anyone who's missing anyone because they had to leave or vice versa.
You should be glad to have a heart that's all over the world,
because when you think about it,
it must be a pretty big heart overall! =)


I'll see you on the other side.