Time Cloth

(*When I say "I", I don't necessarily mean 'me'; it's more of a reference to the average youth in this day and age. This piece is also a product of some insightful conversations with some really close, introspective friends!)

I live in this blanket which on some days will keep me warm, cozy, safe; and on others claustrophobic, trapped and uncomfortable.

Things change, people grow and seasons come and go, more unpredictable each year.

How, in all my consciousness, unconscious I can be!

I think of myself as pretty tech-savvy and suddenly they’re all talking about software applications, gadgets and gizmos that invaded the market right under my nose while I was perfecting my skills in techno-stuff as I knew it and thought it would remain. Not to mention the fact that the terminology that they use may as well be Greek!

I think I know about the goings on in the world. Of course I can discuss the situation in the Middle East or Korea and the fact that I think its pretty cool Obama got the Nobel Peace Prize even though the Dalai Lama was stood up by him! Then again, only he could get away with that I suppose. And the opinions I have about the environment and the government and its lack of governance and the poverty and filth in my city and the crater-like holes in the roads I use every day are never-ending and noteworthy!

Then someone asks me about Politics in my home zone.

Blank.

Ok, so they just had elections for… something!

I think that everything’s alright. My family and friends are just as happy with me as they’ve always been. And times are good, when suddenly; I have more people losing their temper with me than laughing with me. More people (who matter – bollocks to those who don’t!) giving me grief about being detached and distracted, not really there, consumed in myself. And all I wonder is, what’ve THEY got to be so upset about? Do they even know what I’M going through?!

This could work another way too. I suddenly feel like no one’s really paying any attention to me. My existence is taken for granted.

So, now I stop and think. Something slipped up, obviously.

Question is what?

Of course, I needn’t even ask really, I know exactly what the answer is! But pretending I’m actually wondering for a few seconds probably feels better.

ME.

It’s like this fabric of time that’s wrapped around me through life is essentially woven from threads of change. So I can bet my useless lucky charm (presumably my most prized possession) that change is in fact the only constant component of my existence; A variable constant perhaps?; One that no lucky charm could even assist in evading.

The problem, or as aforementioned “slip up”, here is my incompetency with regard to keeping abreast with all this change.

Only because change is positively certain of not going anywhere anytime soon, definitely does not mean I need to let it rain on my parade.

“Take control a little!”

So what if I don’t know about the savviest equipment around?

Or the reason my country, in all its mess, functions decently anyway?

Or the truth behind souring relationships?

At least, now I know that I don't know!

Yeah, reality bites. But nothing’s stopping me from biting back.

Some added emotional investment in my relationships and some extra efforts to keep myself informed can help bring my A-game on. At least I hope so!

Being aware of the fact that the world out there is so much bigger than me makes me feel small and moves me out from the centre of my universe.

And somehow, consciousness kicks in.

What’s ironic is this shift from a self-obsessed outlook (all the time i.e. because sometimes it’s good!) just makes me feel better!

It’s almost selfish. Talk about a paradox!